Boundaries… WTF!!!

 

Have you ever had an epiphany that comes on so quickly that it feels like you’ve just been knocked in the face?

I mean, like really, hits you upside the head with a resounding “Duh!?!?”

Boundaries were one of the most difficult things for me.

Growing up in a home with a narcissistic parent has left me knee – okay… neck-deep in codependent patterns and tendencies.

It has been through a lot of energy work, specifically reiki and body talk along with hypnosis that I have unwound almost all of those self-sabotaging stories. I have learned to speak my truth with just about everyone. I have learned to ask for what I need without guilt. I have learned that I am, in fact, worthy of love, especially from myself. But boundaries – with those closest to me… I would rather walk into a pit of pissed off rattlesnakes than set a boundary or put myself first.

All this work in self-development has taught me that until I learn the lesson, it will continue to repeat itself and get more uncomfortable until I DO learn it. Fuck.

I found myself in a situation that I had been in many, many times before, and this time – something felt different.

Maybe it was all the subtle shifts of my thought patterns… or maybe it was the emotional charges to traumatic situations that were drained away… I can’t really say for sure but I was able to actually communicate my needs to someone VERY close to me who was, before that moment, the hardest person for me to do that with. It was HARD, but it was doable. And I did it. I told this person what I wanted, what I needed. Which was actually a very simple request – I wanted to spend the weekend by myself. I didn’t want to see this person over the weekend. We had made no set plans, although it was assumed that because it was the weekend, time would be spent together. I had had a helluva couple of weeks with SO MANY changes and I simply needed a weekend to fill my own cup.

I chose to speak my truth near the end of the day because I wasn’t sure of the reaction I may get and if it was a crappy one, well, then I would have gotten to navigate my way through an extra full day of clients while my phone blew up with nasty, guilt-ridden text messages reminding me that I was a selfish person that really should have thought about all the effort that was being put into seeing me by them. How rude was I?? Having carefully done all the math around my options, I took a deep, deep breath and told them that I wanted to be alone, I was not telling them that I didn’t want to see them, I was just taking some time to myself to process and fill my cup. And no, that was not their job to do. 

I was pleasantly surprised by the response “That must have been really hard for you to say.” The sun shone, the birds sang, the heavens almost opened up with cherubs until it was cut short quickly and the conversation was left at “I have to go.”

Uh-oh… taking another deep breath, I stood my ground. I was not taking too much.

The phone rang, and the guilt started. “Don’t I fill you up? Don’t I hold your space? Isn’t that what a partnership is?” I calmly explained that the way I needed to fill my cup could only be done by me this time. The self-hypnosis was paying off as I navigated stormy waters with ease and grace! Until later in the evening when the winds picked up and the waters churned angrily and I didn’t respond… deciding to wait the storm out, I went to bed with peace in my heart. The recording lulled me to sleep as I imagined a warm orange liquid clearing out the emotional stress.

Waking up with a reminder of what may lie ahead, I made a cup of coffee with frankincense oil, lit some incense, and a candle. I started to write about standing my ground and the nagging tug led me to check my phone. 13 messages. 13!!!!! 

And it was ugly. Really ugly, and mean and hurtful. The words tore into me like a razor-sharp sword, slicing and tearing apart my heart and when it was over, I had reached a turning point. No one would ever talk to me that way again. Ever. I asked for help from my guides (I met them during a body talk session) and worded a reply that was short, sharp, and to the point. Then that fateful push of a setting on my phone to block this contact.

I was so proud of myself as I delivered the last of their things to their door. Knowing they were home and not caring, I dropped everything off and got in my car, and left. I saw them come to their gate and I didn’t even look back! Silently high-fiving myself for showing such strength I unblocked them. And engaged again……

The exchange lasted all day. ALL DAY. The messages were written in hurt and anger, the words and letters flowing into one another, sometimes not even making sense. The rage was so prevalent. Finally an actual phone call… because, why not??

I don’t think I have ever been so angry at this person, ever in all the time they have been a part of my life. I was LIVID. As I write this, I understand that I was really angry at myself – thank you hypnosis.

After about 40 minutes, I was getting worked up again and I yelled “I asked for the weekend to myself and I have spent all last night and today engaged with you and your reaction.”


And then it hit me. And them. We both just stopped. For a moment there was silence. A softly mumbled awareness of consequences to their actions came from the other end and a light bulb went off in my head that was damn near blinding.

I DIDN’T HAVE TO ENGAGE!!!!.

Duh. It sounds so simple to most people and really, it is. Stop engaging Daneaya. Just stop. Then you will get to honour your boundary and request that you worked so gallantly to get. It became so clear, so simple that I almost started to laugh. I felt giddy!!

The person on the other end didn’t get it. They immediately started to beat themself up for their actions. It wasn’t their fault. Not at all. I mean, they weren’t doing anything different than they’ve done before, I was different. I took 100% responsibility for myself and understood that I was not being consistent in choosing myself. I set the boundary by stating my intention for the weekend to myself but I was not enforcing it. That was all I had to do. That was all I ever had to do. That is all I ever get to do. I get to choose me. Without guilt. 

Life-changing moment here folks. So simple.

This was an insanely hard moment in my story, but the lesson of choosing myself has truly been the biggest blessing I could have ever hoped for.

If anyone out there reading this can relate, please know you’re not alone and reach out to someone, anyone.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

In Love and Support,

Daneaya Z.

Hypnosis and Bodytalk

Imagine learning how to automatically take advantage of an ability that you already have to shift the areas in your life that you wish to shift.

Hypnosis is a natural state of focus and relaxation that we all go into many different times in a day. Any time we lose sense of time or space, we are in a hypnotic state. Daydreaming, visualizing, and even “running on autopilot” are hypnotic states.

Using hypnotherapy updates the information in your mind, and helps you let go of old belief systems and habits, and subscribe to new ones that are more beneficial. Ultimately, this helps move you toward a happier, more fulfilling life.

Hypnosis is the state a person is in; hypnotherapy is what is done while in said state.

This happens because as a person relaxes, their brain waves slow down. Our waking state, known as beta, is where we are when we are learning, having an active conversation, and generally engaging with our five senses. As the brain waves drop with relaxation, the conscious mind slows down and, in a sense, turns off. This happens every day when we fall asleep and then in the reverse order when we wake up. As the brain waves drop and the conscious mind turns off, the subconscious mind becomes more accessible.

This is important because the subconscious mind makes up the majority of our mind and contains every single second of our soul’s existence. Every. Single. Second. It records 24/7, 365 days a year. It holds our entire operating system. When a human is born, their conscious mind has not yet been developed, and 80% of this operating system is put into place between conception and seven to eight years old. As we age and the conscious mind develops, it becomes increasingly difficult to make changes to our operating systems. For a change to be permanent, it must happen at the subconscious level. Hypnosis is a natural and safe way to access the subconscious mind in order to unwind your story and create positive, permanent change.

Bodytalk is a type of medicine that is based upon consciousness or energy. It is also deeply rooted in quantum physics, meaning that simply by observing, something can transpire.

We all have an energy system. It is our energy system that maintains every other system within our body and mind. It is the part of us that knows how to heal. Think about when a person cuts themselves or breaks a bone. Most of the time, the body will heal itself relatively easily. We all have this innate ability. Our bodies are always talking to us and communicating what it needs. We have forgotten how to listen, or we’ve been programmed into believing that powering through something is the best, strongest way to do it. Or that a human has developed something that cannot be healed from. We take a pill for this or a pill for that, and it simply mutes the message. Respecting that all types of medicine have a worthwhile place in healing, we have simply forgotten about taking care of our energy system.

Bodytalk is a modality where the practitioner has been trained to listen to this innate wisdom and create a space for it to come back into balance, or homeostasis.

This innate wisdom is within the subconscious mind, and so, as a person is experiencing a bodytalk session, they relax. An interesting thing happens to a human as they relax: All the energy that had been going to all the different things that need to happen to stay alert and aware gets redirected to healing the body. That’s why resting is so important when a person is sick.

The healing that takes place during a bodytalk session happens within the holographic blueprint that the body has. This means that any healing that happens during a bodytalk session is permanent.

A colleague and I discovered the potency of using these two modalities together quite by accident. We were in our hypnosis training, and we had an opportunity to try bodytalk and hypnosis together on a young man that had been in an ATV accident and suffered a severe brain injury. He was not able to talk, sit upright, or drive and was fainting upwards of 

20 times in a day. We went to his house and gave it a go … and the results were outstanding. Within four sessions he was off medication, had light in his eyes, colour in his cheeks, and was back at work.

We have been working together ever since, and have been very fortunate to have witnessed some incredible transformations because using hypnosis and bodytalk together truly creates a body, mind, and soul healing session.

Hypnosis is a focused state of relaxation and as the body and mind relax, the immune system fires up more effectively and heals even deeper. The body healing supports the changes in the way a person thinks because the person physically feels better.

On their own, these two modalities are incredibly powerful and when combined the results are synergistic and amplified.

Both modalities have great results with trauma release, PTSD, anxiety and depression, increased self-confidence, happiness, and an overall increased sense of well-being.

Hello world!

 

 

Valentines Day…the day of love. 

 

When I was in my 20’s Valentine’s day was enjoyed with my boyfriend (if I had one) and/or worked at whatever restaurant I was employed at It was a GREAT money making day as a server!💲

 

At 25, when I met the man I thought I would spend my life with, he proposed to me on Valentines Day. It was so romantic! 

 

A handwritten, heartfelt letter in a cute little basket, held by an adorable teddy bear. I read the letter and with tears flowing from my eyes, I looked up and there he was, down on one knee, tears in his eyes, ring in hand. I said Yes!!😍

 

Flash forward 8 Valentine’s Days, and there I was – a single Mom to two amazing humans. And very, very bitter about Valentine’s Day. 💔

 

I have consciously been working on becoming the best version of myself since my the day my first child was born. See, I made a promise to that little human to do whatever I could to make sure that they had a higher self-esteem than I did at 16 so different choices could be made.

 

I could only fulfill that promise by doing all the things, sitting with and in all my stuff. Learning to love each and every part of me, including my shadow self.

 

Personal growth is not pretty.

 

It has shown me the deepest, darkest depths of my soul. The parts that have been so hurt from a lack of love they had buried themselves deep.

 

Layer after layer these parts showed themselves. I worked hard to gain the trust of each part of myself before the next one would show. I got to learn how to wrap those parts of me that I was not proud of in love. I got to learn how to love the parts of me that had not been loved in a long, long time, if ever.

 

Slowly, I WAS becoming a better version of myself, a more loving version of myself, I was creating a new mindset about me. 🤗

 

But Valentine’s Day was still an ouchy…
I always showed up for my kids, for everyone else, but inside, my heart was sad and bitter on February 14th.

 

13 years later I sit Valentine’s Day… sad. Having come out of a brutally beautiful relationship that, before I saw what it was, I thought was “the one”. The one that started to mend the Valentine’s Day hurt.

 

Asking myself what I need, writing came up, and in this releasing, a healing is happening.

 

By writing these words, I am giving space to that part of me that is sad about the loss of my marriage and the loss of my last relationship. I am so grateful that I can hold space for that part of me that cries tears of heartbreak and hurt.

 

Today, I am choosing me. I am choosing to be the best Valentine I can be, to the most important person in my world – me!

 

Today, this Valentine’s Day, my 13th one as a single mom, I heal that part of me. Today,in wrap that part of me in so much love that Valentine’s Day becomes a special day again. 🥰

 

It is important for me to share that my ex is the best ex anyone could ever have. He is a kind, loving and present dad. We have an incredible family unit. This is about me, on my own personal journey.

 

Thank you to those that read these words.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day.
May you all be wrapped in love.

 

In Love and Support,

 

Daneaya Z. 🙏💜