Valentines Day…the day of love. ❣
When I was in my 20’s Valentine’s day was enjoyed with my boyfriend (if I had one) and/or worked at whatever restaurant I was employed at It was a GREAT money making day as a server!?
At 25, when I met the man I thought I would spend my life with, he proposed to me on Valentines Day. It was so romantic! ❣
A handwritten, heartfelt letter in a cute little basket, held by an adorable teddy bear. I read the letter and with tears flowing from my eyes, I looked up and there he was, down on one knee, tears in his eyes, ring in hand. I said Yes!!?
Flash forward 8 Valentine’s Days, and there I was – a single Mom to two amazing humans. And very, very bitter about Valentine’s Day. ?
I have consciously been working on becoming the best version of myself since my the day my first child was born. See, I made a promise to that little human to do whatever I could to make sure that they had a higher self-esteem than I did at 16 so different choices could be made.
I could only fulfill that promise by doing all the things, sitting with and in all my stuff. Learning to love each and every part of me, including my shadow self.
Personal growth is not pretty.
It has shown me the deepest, darkest depths of my soul. The parts that have been so hurt from a lack of love they had buried themselves deep.
Layer after layer these parts showed themselves. I worked hard to gain the trust of each part of myself before the next one would show. I got to learn how to wrap those parts of me that I was not proud of in love. I got to learn how to love the parts of me that had not been loved in a long, long time, if ever.
Slowly, I WAS becoming a better version of myself, a more loving version of myself, I was creating a new mindset about me. ?
But Valentine’s Day was still an ouchy…
I always showed up for my kids, for everyone else, but inside, my heart was sad and bitter on February 14th.
13 years later I sit Valentine’s Day… sad. Having come out of a brutally beautiful relationship that, before I saw what it was, I thought was “the one”. The one that started to mend the Valentine’s Day hurt.
Asking myself what I need, writing came up, and in this releasing, a healing is happening.
By writing these words, I am giving space to that part of me that is sad about the loss of my marriage and the loss of my last relationship. I am so grateful that I can hold space for that part of me that cries tears of heartbreak and hurt.
Today, I am choosing me. I am choosing to be the best Valentine I can be, to the most important person in my world – me!
Today, this Valentine’s Day, my 13th one as a single mom, I heal that part of me. Today,in wrap that part of me in so much love that Valentine’s Day becomes a special day again. ?
It is important for me to share that my ex is the best ex anyone could ever have. He is a kind, loving and present dad. We have an incredible family unit. This is about me, on my own personal journey.
Thank you to those that read these words.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
May you all be wrapped in love.
In Love and Support,
Daneaya Z. ❤??